Roses are cliche. Chocolates are too. As for fancy restaurants? Good luck getting a table.
Maybe you’re burnt out on Valentine’s Day ideas, or looking for something a little less predictable to do with your special someone. Why not tour a vintage vibrator museum, visit Bonnie & Clyde’s hideout-loveshack, or get hitched in a funky Portland doughnut shop?
Here’s a list of quirky, racy, offbeat, or just plain amusing Valentine’s Day alternatives for every state:
Alabama: Orr Park’s “Tinglewood Carvings”
Nature will smile down on you and your date—literally—as you stroll through this enchanted park where artist Tim Tingle transformed dead trees into towering, otherworldly faces.
Alaska: Red Onion Saloon
This woman-owned saloon is housed in what was once the Red Onion Brothel, a bordello for miners established during the gold rush.
Arizona: Tantra for Awakening
Learn the art of the full-body orgasm, fine-tune your sensuality, and infuse your sex life with attentiveness and creativity during safe and supportive coaching sessions from tantra guide Crystal Dawn Morris.
Arkansas: Thorncrown Chapel
Half rustic tree-house, half space-age structure, this dazzling glass chapel in the middle of the Ozarks is a surreal spot for a lover’s rendezvous.
California: Good Vibrations Antique Vibrator Museum
The vibrator’s storied past is told through this small but lively collection of antique sex toys, 1960s Sears “massagers,” and coded advertisements sure to make you appreciate the enduring power of pleasure.
Colorado: Denver’s Own Museum of Sex
View artistic depictions of sex throughout the ages, stroll through the “Voyeur Gallery,” and go home with a pair of souvenir underwear that’s fun to wear and even more fun to take off.
Connecticut: Abandoned Fairy Village
This whimsical, magical, unexplained oddity tucked into the woods outside of Middlebury is dotted with miniature paths and stone-carved fairy houses that will have couples frolicking around like lovesick elves.
Delaware: The Ice Cream Store
Love is sweet, hot, and sometimes dangerous—and so are the flavors at this whimsical ice cream parlor, whose menu includes a “Better than Sex” sundae, and a scoop of the infamous ghost pepper ice cream—which is so hot that you have to sign a “death waiver” before taking a lick.
Florida: The St. Augustine Love Trees
St. Augustine is dotted with 7 of these coiling, intertwining, it-almost-looks-like-they’re-*@#*ing trees, which locals say grant lasting love to couples who smooch in their presence.
Georgia: The Optimist
We all know about the power of oysters, right? If not, just order Cupid’s Choice oysters from the oyster bar, pair it with a glass of white wine, and find out. After dinner you can steal a couple’s game of putt-putt on the patio—that is, if you’re not in a hurry to get home.
Hawaii: Maui Healing Retreat
These 3-day relationship retreats are a potpourri of beachside yoga, couples meditation, fresh juice and organic foods, and intimate 1-on-1 time spent in one of the most beautiful places on earth.
Idaho: Oasis Bordello Museum
After the owners of this real-life brothel fled without warning, their still-furnished space was turned into a museum depicting the pleasure-seeking habits of pioneer-era Americans.
Illinois: The Obama Kissing Rock
Lock lips in the very spot in Chicago where future president and first-lady Barack and Michelle Obama shared their first kiss.
Indiana: The Kinsey Institute Collection of Human Sexuality
The famous institute that ushered human sexuality into the scientific mainstream houses a one-of-a-kind collection of sex-related artifacts and documents dating back 2,000 years that will give you plenty to...think about.
Iowa: Lover’s Leap Swinging Bridge
A suspended pedestrian bridge known for its erratic swinging, Lover’s Leap is awash in tragi-romantic folklore that makes it an apt destination for any couple braving the roller coaster we call love.
Kansas: The World’s Largest Ball of Twine
There are plenty of puns we could make about tying the knot, pulling on the heartstrings, etc etc. But let’s leave it at this—if two people can turn a trip to something as mundane, random, and seemingly unnecessary as a 5,000-pound ball of twine into a good time—they’ve got a great shot at making it.
Kentucky: Drake Vintage Music & Curios
Dig through the vinyl stacks, ogle vintage showbills of June Carter and Johnny Cash, and duet with your date to a crackly, love-weathered recording of “Darlin’ Companion” in this vintage record shop and homebase of the Carter Family fan club.
Louisiana: Erzulie’s Authentic Voodoo
You and your partner can seduce each other—Nola-style—with love spells and rituals from this enchanting French Quarter voodoo shop.
Maine: The Wedding Cake House
Known as the most photographed house in the state of Main, this fairy-tale home has a romantic past and rich-as-frosting facade that makes you just want to lick it.
Maryland: Baltimore Tattoo Museum
Explore the rich history of body art with a gallery of traditional American and Japanese designs, old seafaring motifs, black and grey portraits, and vintage tattoo equipment. And if things go well, depart with matching ink courtesy of the in-house tattoo artists.
Massachusetts: Lizzie Borden Bed and Breakfast
If your relationship is in serious need of new thrills, book a night at this Fall River bed and breakfast, a quaint inn with a macabre past and reports that it’s still haunted by the spirits of its murdered inhabitants.
Michigan: Third Man Records
Record a duet with your date in the recording booth and press it onto a 6-inch phonograph disc for posterity at this Jack White-founded record store and novelties lounge.
Minnesota: Spoonbridge and Cherry
A refreshingly playful collaboration between a husband-and-wife team of artists, this quirky, modern, and completely random rendering of a giant spoon and cherry has become a favorite spot for photo ops and marriage proposals.
Mississippi: Byram Swinging Bridge
This 100-plus year-old swinging suspension bridge has been co-opted by lovers for the lover’s lock tradition that spans Paris, Brooklyn, and many places in between. Chisel your and your partner’s initials onto a padlock, fasten it to one of the steel cables, toss the key, and return next year to check in on it.
Missouri: Bonnie & Clyde’s Garage Hideout
There’s no denying that Bonnie and Clyde represent a unique brand of love. The famous bank-robbing couple lived in this garage between crime sprees, making it a perfect date spot for lovers who’ve had enough of the saccharine Valentine’s Day cliches.
Montana: Sip ‘n Dip Lounge
The barback to this beloved tiki lounge is a glass window looking directly into a swimming pool where you can watch the bar’s famous mermaid—and the occasional skinny dipper—splash around while you and your date enjoy tropical cocktails.
Nebraska: The National Museum of Roller Skating
The roller-rink may be an endangered species, but nostalgia and hand-holding are alive and well inside this collection of vintage roller skates, Betty Boop lunch boxes, and other Americana-themed curios that harken back to a simpler time.
Nevada: The St. Valentine’s Day Massacre Wall at the Mob Museum
Vegas has more chapels and love-shacks than you can name. So if you’re single, or simply looking for something different, check out the St. Valentine's Day Massacre wall. This bullet-riddled slab of bricks was the backdrop to the infamous massacre that made Al Capone famous and gave February 14th a second, darker meaning.
New Hampshire: Chutters Candy Store
At more than 100 feet long, Chutters’ candy counter has been dubbed the longest in the world by the Guiness Book of World Records. What better way to break the ice than with 112 feet of fudge, gummies, caramels, and candies?
New Jersey: Holsten’s Brookdale Confectionery
Come for the history—yep, this is where that final Sopranos scene was filmed—but stay for the old-timey vinyl booths and homemade ice cream shakes. One shake, two straws—you know the drill.
New Mexico: Mi Casa Bed & Breakfast
This clothing-optional bed and breakfast features a private sunning area, skinny dipping pool, hot tub, and a policy against public sex that lets you bare it all without intimidation and then retire to your room without having to slip into something more comfortable.
New York: Museum of Sex
Campy, risque, educational, and sex-positive, the MoSex shines a spotlight on everyone’s favorite pasttime through rotating exhibits that explore sex through the lens of artwork, science, history, and culture.
North Carolina: The Old Farmers Ball
Grab your partner for an old-timey waltz, roots, or country-dance romp at this charming throwback to the days of the old town ball.
North Dakota: The Kegs Drive-In
Two 20-foot-tall root-beer kegs flank this old-school drive-in where you can order floats, onion rings, and sloppy joes delivered straight to your car and proceed to get as sloppy as you’d like.
Ohio: Chippewa Lake Park
You won’t be able to win your sweetheart any stuffed animals at this abandoned amusement park. But couples of a gothic bend can stroll hand in hand past the wreckage, which reportedly still includes remnants of a little dipper ride and the original ferris wheel towering ghostly above the moss.
Oklahoma: Oldest Burning Light Bulb
That’s right. A light bulb inside of the Magnum fire station has been burning for 90-plus years straight. Bask in its miraculous light, smooch your partner, and perhaps glean the secrets of endurance.
Oregon: Voodoo Doughnut
Famous for its hipster-foodie creations, this Portland-based doughnut spot also offers in-shop nuptials—complete with a legal wedding ceremony, custom doughnuts, and coffee toasts—for couples who want to get hitched in a doughnut shop.
Pennsylvania: The Velvet Lily
This boutique-y, upscale adult store offers private shopping sessions where you and your date can peruse the shelves, ask questions, and plan your evening without feeling embarrassed or rushed.
Rhode Island: The Center for Sexual Pleasure & Health
Show up for a sex trivia night, flip through sex-toy buying guides, or learn about sex-positive and feminist-friendly porn at this non-profit center that aims to educate and stimulate.
South Carolina: The Neverbust Chain
Totally random and yet somehow completely natural, this oversized chain-link installment connecting two buildings is an apt metaphor for love, is it not?
South Dakota: Kokomo Gallery
Discarded metal, scavenged machinery, and found scraps were given a second life as the materials for these breathtaking cyberpunk sculptures—an apt object lesson for new love.
Tennessee: Perpetual Motion Machine at the Museum of Appalachia
Love may have its ups and downs, but a pilgrimage to Asa Jackson’s 150-year-old perpetual motion machine will remind you that with a little bit of heart, vision, and wild invention, anything worth the effort can endure.
Texas: Buc-ee’s Car Wash
The Guiness Book of World Records named this the longest car wash in the world. What’s that mean for you? How about getting dirty while your car gets clean in this 255-foot-long tunnel of suds, rainbow scrubbers, foam, and total privacy.
Utah: Mystic Hot Springs
This free-spirit oasis features natural hot springs, essential oil massages, and real bathtubs installed into the rock formations that fill up with mineral-rich healing waters.
Vermont: The Robert Frost Interpretive Trail
Lovers, poets, and romantics of all stripes will enjoy a scenic stroll through woods and blueberry fields, with Robert Frost’s poetry serenading them from wooden signs along the trail.
Virginia: Doumar’s Barbecue
This iconic car-hop stand is famous for inventing the waffle cone. Pull up for a curbside serving of their famous dessert, turn up the radio, and trade licks with your sweetheart.
Washington: Beacon Food Forest
Saunter through this edible food forest with your date while feeding each other fresh berries, nuts, and other delights plucked straight from the trees. Need we remind you of the aphrodisiac powers of fruits and nuts?
West Virginia: True Treats
This history-themed candy store is like an edible textbook: the shop features recreations of biblical sweets, old-timey caramels, French creams, apothecary carobs, and retro penny candies.
Wisconsin: A Woman's Touch Sexuality Resource Center
Founded by a former sex educator and preventative medicine specialist, this innovative sex shop specializes in research-backed lubricants, hand-selected sex toys, manuals, and erotic games to enjoy with your partner.
Wyoming: Woods Landing Bar & Cafe
Why wait until you get home to make the earth shake? This historic tavern, with its one-of-a-kind boxcar-spring-loaded dance floor, will have you and your date bouncing up and down long before bedtime.
A note for readers: due to the ephemeral nature of some attractions on this list, we can’t guarantee that everything will still be standing by the time you read this. Please check local resources before making your journey. Safe travels, and happy Valentine’s Day!