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10 Confidence Secrets That Make You More Attractive

Morgan Mandriota
Confident woman wearing sunglasses
You’ve probably heard the popular saying that confidence is one of the sexiest personality traits that a person can have. And that’s for a good reason. Someone who naturally comes across as confident usually has an easier time scoring higher quality dates because they know their worth and what they deserve, and they’re not afraid to go after it.

If you’re trying to overcome feeling insecure or you’re looking for ways to feel more confident, look no further. Here are our top 10 confidence tips that will make you look and feel more attractive to potential partners.

1. Talk highly of yourself

Many people think that insulting themselves or making self-deprecating jokes is funny. And to be fair, sometimes those comments do score a laugh! But at what cost? For the most part, making fun of yourself usually comes at the expense of looking like you’re insecure or like you’re fishing for compliments … and that’s unattractive.

People who are confident typically talk highly of themselves and others. They don’t bash themselves or speak poorly of their skills, looks, or qualities. If you’re confident, you will build yourself up when you talk about yourself.

To seem more confident, whether you are or not, you will want to avoid saying things like:

  • I’m so dumb, I can’t believe I just said/did that.
  • Wow, my voice is so annoying.
  • Ugh, I look so ugly right now.

Even if you feel these ways, don’t act like it. Fake it ‘til you make it! Trust us, those jokes are never as funny or endearing as you think they are, especially when your confidence is on the line.

 2. Avoid taking things personally

When you’re confident, you are sure of yourself, your abilities, and what you bring to the table. Taking every little thing, comment, or piece of feedback to heart is a strong sign that you lack confidence.

It’s natural for us to question other people’s intentions when they share their thoughts with us. But a lot of the time, the truth is that the things that people say are way more about them than they are about you. But when you start to personalize them or get defensive in response, more often than not it becomes more about you in the end. So stop taking things so personally and lighten up. It’s a much better look.

 3. Own your flaws

Nobody is perfect. You can play the comparison game with seemingly perfect people all you want, but the reality is that no one has it all together, even if their well-curated social media feed makes it look like they do.

We all have our imperfections, so own yours! Taking ownership of your flaws is sexy because it means that you’re secure in who you are — that means all parts of you, including the not-so-hot parts. But because you don’t let them bother you (or at least you act like they don’t), they instantly become more attractive as a result … and so do you.

 4. Look on the bright side

Some people naturally look at the glass as half empty as opposed to half full. Whether that’s due to a mental health condition like depression or just a pessimistic outlook on life for whatever reason, they tend to expect the worst out of situations, assume people have bad intentions, and think everyone is out to get them. That energy is very draining to be around, and it’s an even more exhausting trait to have in the person you’re dating.

It may be easier said than done, but try to look on the bright side as often as you can. A positive attitude and outlook on life conveys a strong sense of confidence — in yourself, in the world, and in the people around you.

Life can be hard enough. No one wants to be with a Debbie Downer. Dating someone with a happy demeanor can help to brighten your day every day and remind you that a little bit of confidence goes a long way. So be that glass-half-full person as frequently as possible.

5. Have hobbies and interests

Someone who has their own interests is super attractive. Build and maintain your life outside of your relationship. Engage in the hobbies that you enjoy most. Keep sharpening your skills and learning about the things that really interest you.

No matter if you like playing video games, collecting antiques, making music, hanging out with your friends, or working out at the gym every day, pursue those things wholeheartedly. Not only is this a way to ensure you will have a healthy relationship with someone who doesn’t demand all of your time and attention, but you’re also more likely to appear as confident to someone you just started talking to if you have passions to share with them.

6. Be yourself

We’re all a little weird … Some of us are very weird. Through our quirks and unique personalities, we can still be really charming, unless you come across as insecure.

Few things are sexier than being unapologetically yourself. So don’t be afraid to show who you really are to the person you just started talking to. If you like a certain show that people love to hate on, embrace it. If you sing sentences sometimes or do a happy dance when you get good news, do it without fear of judgment. Be you, and be proud to be you. That’s the ultimate definition of confidence!

7. Go after what you want

A confident person doesn’t hesitate to go after what it is that they really want. Whether that’s a person who they want to date or a job that they want to work, they willingly step forward to take initiative and put in the effort necessary to try to make that dream a reality.

Sure, some things won’t go as planned, and you can’t always get what you want. But having the self-assurance to try and go for it in the first place is an attractive quality that many people lack due to fear (of judgment, of failure, of many things). A healthy dose of assertiveness shows that you feel worthy and deserving of whatever it is that you desire — and that’s something that a lot of insecure people have a hard time doing, so they usually won’t do it at all.

8. Openly communicate

People who share their thoughts and feelings come across as secure enough within themselves to know what they want, how they feel, and how to communicate all of the above. This shows in the way that they speak with others, including the people they talk to on dating apps and in real life.

If you want to appear more attractive, start by opening up and prioritizing honest communication. Learn to lean into communicating your goals, needs, and wants with the person you’re dating.

Also, don’t be afraid to flirt with someone who you like! Showing that you’re interested in them is attractive and a sign that you’re confident — no matter how it’s received.

9. Use body language cues

Confidence isn’t just conveyed verbally. You can also appear confident through the way you carry yourself.

Try any or all of these body language tips to appear more confident and attractive:

  • avoid crossing your arms
  • stand and sit up straight
  • stand with your feet firmly grounded
  • open your chest, stomach, and shoulders
  • keep your head lifted up
  • talk with your hands
  • lean in during conversations
  • maintain appropriate eye contact (without being creepy)

Opening up your body language will provide hints to the person whom you’re talking to or on a date with that you’re into them and living in the present moment. You can also try to mirror their body language, which has been said to enhance confidence.

10. Go to therapy

This definitely isn’t the easiest or most fun tip on our list, but it is extremely effective. If you’re having a hard time building up your confidence (even after trying these tips), you can always seek the advice of a therapist.

Going to therapy and speaking with a mental health professional can help you get to the root of why you’ve been feeling insecure or unable to become as confident as you want to be. They can also offer you personalized tips on how to overcome your insecurities and feel better each and every day so you can feel even more attractive than you do right now.

Becoming More Confident

Have confidence (see what we did there?) that it’s possible to become more confident! And when you do, you will not only appear more attractive, but you will also feel that way, too.

Becoming more confident will also help you succeed in the dating world. The more confident you become, you will be more likely to meet higher-quality people on the best online dating services like Zoosk, Elite Singles, or whichever one you choose to use. A little bit of confidence goes a long way! So boost your confidence today so you can feel better and start dating better.

Morgan Mandriota
Morgan Mandriota writes for Top10.com. Morgan is a freelance sex and wellness writer with bylines at Betches, Health.com, and BuzzFeed. Her insight has been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Tinder, The New York Times, and more. When Morgan isn't writing about orgasms, dating struggles, or CBD, she loves traveling, eating tacos, and training in Brazilian jiu-jitsu.