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10 First Date Disasters That Will Make You Laugh

Morgan Mandriota
A man and woman laughing
We’ve all had our fair share of bad first dates. (If you disagree, then you’re probably lying.) From catfishing to sloppy drunks, there are a million ways to mess up a first meeting. But these first date disasters are guaranteed to make you laugh — or at least smile at your screen a little bit.

1. A drunk catfish and a wet bed

On Reddit user vutall’s way to pick somebody up for a first date, his car suddenly burst into flames. His date came to his location ASAP but to his surprise, she looked nothing like her images. Definitely a red flag, but he decided to roll along with it because he needed a ride after his car burned up. They went back to her place, got extremely drunk, then he tried to leave the next day. But she didn’t let that happen.

She ended up staying over his place, but not without buying $100 worth of alcohol, getting wasted, then peeing in his bed. The worst part? She didn’t even try to wash the sheets. She threw them in the drier when she assumed he wasn’t looking. Gross.

2. Sleeping on the sidewalk

Not everybody likes to drink, though. Take Reddit user IRACB, for example. 

They met someone new for drinks, even though they don’t drink alcohol. Already off to an awkward start, their date drank beer… from a straw. Three of those to be exact.

How did the date end? “The last I saw, he was face down on the sidewalk, and the bouncer was trying to get him a cab.” Needless to say, there probably wasn’t a second date after that one.

3. A job search or a date?

Imagine getting to a date thinking it’s going to be a romantic time with someone you matched with on a dating app … only for them to bring their résumé and ask you for tips on how to improve it and start their job search.

That’s what happened to a Reddit user from Chicago. “I don’t think it was really a date,” they say.

Pro tip: Don’t bring your résumé to a first date, or any date. Unless you’re about to meet with a recruiter or résumé specialist who you’re paying to review your CV, leave it at home.

4. Poems and heartbreak

"I am tall like a pine in a restless wind, boughs outstretched, chasing the glitter and glam of life as it passes, imparting only a whisper of beauty and meaning. I am tall like a bent giant in a room made for the taller people of a shorter species."

This is how 2bABee’s date genuinely spoke. Not only did she speak like Shakespeare, but she also got mad that the original author of this story didn’t immediately fall in love with her.

Maybe skip the poetry and try to establish a real connection before expecting someone to fall in love with you or your prose.

5. Ruined by a friend

A friend is supposed to be your wingperson. They’re supposed to help you meet new people, score new dates, hype you up, and support you along your dating journey.

But mapcat’s date’s friend didn’t exactly help their cause. Instead, he actually ruined the entire thing.

“We had a couple drinks and decent conversation. Then one of her friends came and sat with us,” he writes. “He had this infuriatingly smug look on his face and then he declared ‘This is the worst date ever.’” Ouch.

6. Crashing into love

On a first date, _Jim_Lahey_ backed up his car into a building, did a three-point turn, and confused the brake for the gas pedal. You can guess what happens next.

“It had weathered old shingles for siding, and neither it nor my car took any real damage. No one but she and I saw,” he writes.

The silver lining to the story? It may have been a disaster of a first date, but the two ended up dating for a year and a half after. Maybe it was a success after all.

7. A bit fishy

Non-seafood eater teaoh’s first date disaster features a fishy dinner date and dangerous cooking. The first thing she saw when she walked into her date’s kitchen? Shrimp rings. (This was after already telling him that she doesn’t eat seafood.)

There was also sausage, though. But her date requested rubbing alcohol for the sausage, then proceeded to smile and act like he was doing the right thing. Usually, when recipes call for alcohol, they mean actual drinking alcohol. NOT rubbing alcohol.

Not only did he burn the sausage, but he proceeded to burn the rice, too, then scrape off the burnt parts, and hand the meal over to me to eat.

“Him - "HERE YOU GO! :)" Me - "No."

“There was no second date,” she writes.

8. A two-for-one ending special

SloanethePornGal didn’t know her date was married until he poured a glass of wine on her dress, told her to go to the bathroom to clean it, she flipped out, then his wife walked over to see what all the fuss was about.

Her date tried to play it off like they were coworkers, but OP didn’t let that slide. “I’m standing there, quickly judging the situation, notice her wedding ring, turn to the woman and say, ‘I'm assuming you're Charles’s wife? I'm so sorry about that because this is Henry, I'm on a date with him right now, but, a lot like his marriage, this date is also ending right now,” she writes.

She said she grabbed her wine, poured it over his head, said sorry to his wife, then left.

Thirty minutes later, she got a text that read: "Hey, I don't have anywhere to stay tonight, is it ok if I crash on your couch?" The audacity.

9. Celebrity secrets

LinnieMagoo and her date went to see The Hangover 2. “As the credits open on an aerial shot of Thailand, he leans over and whispers, ‘I want to take you there someday,’” she recalls. A bit much for a first date, but OK.

“Then, as Bradley Cooper comes onto the screen, he leans over again, this time whispering, ‘He's totally gay. My buddy fucked him at Georgetown.’”

That was it for Linnie. She went to the bathroom and kept on walking.

10. Chillin’ with a chinchilla

Last but certainly not least is electron-shock’s first date disaster. It’s too good to summarize, so I’ll let him speak for himself.

“I notice she's taking the chicken fingers and ripping them up in her hands and putting the breading in her huge purse. So naturally I call her out on it. She smiled and said ‘Oh, I'm just feeding Sammy’ and pulled out a fat chinchilla from her purse,” he writes. (He eventually added the chinchilla on Facebook.)

After dinner, they went to get ice cream (with Sammy, of course). “We get to talking about tattoos and piercings, and she tells me she has nipple piercings, and I'm like ‘Oh?’ and then she pulls down her shirt, in the middle of Ben and Jerrys at 8pm and shows me her nipples.”

Maybe don’t flash new dates at a Ben & Jerry’s, and leave your chinchilla at home, too.

Conclusion

Whatever you do, learn from these dating mistakes, and don’t try this on your next first date. When you meet someone off an online dating app, do your best to impress them — not scare them away like this. 

Morgan Mandriota
Morgan Mandriota writes for top10.com and is also a freelance sex and wellness writer with bylines at Betches, Health.com, and BuzzFeed. Her insight has been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Tinder, The New York Times, and more. When Morgan isn't writing about orgasms, dating struggles, or CBD, she loves traveling, eating tacos, and training in Brazilian jiu-jitsu.