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10 Biggest Mistakes Gay Singles Make on the First Date

Morgan Mandriota
Two good looking gay men hold hands on their first date
We all experience messy first dates now and then. For queer folks, we tend to make many of the same mistakes when we meet people for the first time. And sometimes, those mistakes are bigger than others.

Knowing what they are can help you to avoid making them on your next date with someone new who you might really like.

Here are ten of the biggest mistakes gay singles make on the first date.

 1. Disclosing too much information

Being open and honest about your past is a great thing. Opening up and communicating your history with a new partner can clue them in to your life and help them learn more about you to understand the experiences that made you who you are today.

But they don’t need to know every last detail about your trauma or life the first time that you meet them. Yes, share some key details with them. But remember that moderation is key!

2. Having unprotected sex or skipping the STI talk

If all you want is a purely physical relationship, then that’s totally fine! There are online dating apps available like Grindr and Tinder to help you find a random hookup for a reason. But if you're looking for something more, or if Grindr isn't your scene, explore some Grindr alternatives. Remember, your sexual health and safety are always priorities.

Make sure to have the talk about when your last STI tests were and then share your test results with each other. It’s also important to bring protection and contraception (for example, condoms) to have as safe sex as possible with a new partner.

3. Not being honest about your intentions

Game playing is a huge no-no on first dates (and let’s be real, they’re never really acceptable). There’s no need to lie about what you want out of the date. No matter what your goal is, be sure not to play games with the person you’re meeting.

You don’t have to immediately say you’re looking for marriage or something casual, but don’t lie about your wants and goals if/when intentions get brought up. That will only waste everyone’s time and energy.

4. Coming on too strong and going too fast

The U-Haul jokes in the queer community are real for a reason. We tend to rush into things and fall in love way too fast after finding someone with whom we feel we’re compatible. But one of the biggest mistakes you can make is to go too quickly, too soon.

Take things slowly. You don’t have to move in together immediately after a great first date. Enjoy your time getting to know each other, and then commit if or when you’re ready. There’s no rush.

5. Talking too much about an ex

It’s okay to talk about exes … but not too much. When someone talks about a past partner, especially a recent one, for the whole date, that probably means they’re not actually over them.

On the flip side, if you are the date who talks too much about your ex, you might want to reflect on why. Do you miss them? Are you over them? It’s fine to briefly talk about them if they were an important part of your life, but be careful not to dwell too much on the topic.

And definitely avoid talking badly about them too. Bashing an ex is never a good look on a first date.

6. Getting wasted

Drinking might relax your nerves. Happy hour first dates are super common, too. But whatever your reason is for drinking, whether for fun or a dose of liquid courage, try to avoid getting wasted on your first date.

A good general rule of thumb? Aim for one or two drinks maximum on a first date to avoid getting too drunk, sloppy, or blackout. Being sober or even slightly buzzed can help you stay present enough to determine if you even really like the person. (Drunk goggles are real!)

7. Ignoring red flags

You want a relationship. That’s why you’re going out on dates! But be careful of those rose-colored glasses. Take them off and see your date for what and who they truly are. Listen when they talk. Pay attention to how they act. Believe them when they show you who they really are. The red flags you ignore at the start usually become the deal breakers in the end.

8. Not having a two-way conversation

The conversation should flow both ways. You should both be asking each other questions to get to know each other better. After all, that is the goal of a first date — to see if you could be compatible or even like the other person based on whom they portray themselves to be.

If the chat is very one-sided, that’s a bad sign. They may be using the date as an opportunity to score a free therapy session, or they’re just really self-absorbed.

If you’re the one only talking about yourself, ask yourself why that is and if you’re genuinely interested in getting to know them or not.

9. Hanging out with friends

Meeting each other’s friends can happen down the line, but it’s not the best way to connect with someone you’re meeting for the first time.

Instead of a group hangout, maybe go for coffee, take a walk, or grab dinner just the two of you. These first-date ideas will enable you to get to know them in a more intimate space that offers the opportunity to have conversations that might help you decide whether or not you want to see them again.

10. Being dishonest about your queer experience

Newly out? Cool! Don’t know how to have gay sex? Also fine! Nervous about your date but lying and pretending you’ve been on a million same-sex dates before? Not smart.

Be open about your sexuality and experience dating as a queer person. This will help you feel more at ease and keep you from pretending to feel something you don’t or to be someone you’re not. Honesty will also help you align and connect with the dates who are best suited for you and will accept you for who you really are, which is the ultimate goal anyway.


Good luck on your first dates! If you’re ready to get out there and test your ability to dodge these common mistakes, join a top online dating service for gay, lesbian, and other queer singles today to meet someone new. 

Morgan Mandriota
Morgan Mandriota writes for Top10.com. Morgan is a freelance sex and wellness writer with bylines at Betches, Health.com, and BuzzFeed. Her insight has been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Tinder, The New York Times, and more. When Morgan isn't writing about orgasms, dating struggles, or CBD, she loves traveling, eating tacos, and training in Brazilian jiu-jitsu.