Well, before you sign up for a new dating site to look for a partner, we want to help you make sure you’re entering a healthy relationship for the *right* reasons and avoid entering something toxic or unhealthy out of loneliness. Below, we’ve compiled a list of ten ways to tell if you’re actually dating your new partner for the right reasons... or not.
1. You’re able to maintain your own separate lives
If you’re head over heels for the new person you’re dating, you might want to spend every waking moment with them. New partners being very excited about each other is one thing, but obsessing over each other and falling into a codependent relationship is a whole other situation.
Although you may enjoy spending time together, it’s important for both of you to keep your own hobbies, stay in touch with friends and family, and do things apart from one another. If you become so intertwined that you stop living your own lives and can’t live without the other person, the relationship may actually be an unhealthy one worth reassessing.
2. You feel chemistry AND compatibility with them
Dating someone new is (well, should be) fun and exciting. You’ll likely feel butterflies when you think of them, look forward to the next time you’ll hang out, and smile when their name pops up on your phone. Be careful, though, that this initial feeling may not last forever. Consider whether or not you two are actually compatible in terms of personality, values, and goals for the long term after the passionate honeymoon phase wears off.
3. There’s an open, healthy line of communication between you two
Communication is one of the most important factors in any type of relationship. You’ll know you’re dating the right person when you feel safe and comfortable enough to freely express yourselves without hesitation, fear of judgment, or causing a fight. You’ll be able to speak your thoughts and feelings openly and honestly and won’t feel the need to lie or keep secrets from your partner for any reason.
4. You’re not running away from something
Are you just dating this person because they live in L.A. and you *really* want to live in California? Are you trying to distract yourself from an ex or spice up an otherwise boring life by finding someone with whom to preoccupy your time? Or is there a deep, dark past you’re trying to escape? Make sure that you’re not running away from anything or anyone when you enter a new relationship. Unresolved problems will follow you in one way or another no matter where you go. It’s up to you to make amends or fix underlying issues before they get in the way of your future.
5. You don’t ignore or dismiss any red flags
We all know the saying that “love is blind.” Sometimes, this is true, especially when you’re desperately seeking love. But when you purposely dismiss red flags when they’re waving right in your face for the sake of being with somebody, that’s a sign that you’re in a relationship for the wrong reason. Take a step back and assess the situation and whether or not their pet peeves and warning signs are actually dealbreakers.
6. You feel energized by the relationship
The wrong relationship can be extremely draining and lead to you feeling depressed, sluggish, or apathetic. When you’re with the right person, you feel happy, energized, and like you want to take on the world with them. Of course, that’s not always going to be the case as everyone has their off days. But when you’re truly happy to be dating someone, you’ll feel uplifted, ready, and supported with them by your side, even when things get rough.
7. You’re not just in it for money or some other benefit
This is all well and good if you’re in a sugar baby arrangement or if your new partner knows you’re all about the money. But if you’re secretly hoping to mooch off a new partner’s wealthy job or bank account, you’re definitely not in it for the right reasons (unless this has already been stated and mutually agreed upon — then do your thing!).
8. You’re not trying to get back at anybody
Did an ex do you wrong? Now are you trying to get back at them by dating one of their friends or that person who they always had a looming suspicion you might’ve been into? Warning: don’t do it. It’ll only cause drama and hurt you and the person who thinks you’re really into them. Do yourself a favor and take time to find someone new who won’t serve as a source of revenge (or bad karma) for you.
9. You’re not filling a void or chasing a rebound
It’s common to feel a sense of sadness or grief after a breakup or going through something hard. Yes, it’s important to eventually put yourself back out into the dating world, but you must give yourself time to heal first. If you find yourself relationship hopping or trying to distract yourself from an ex, the stress of the pandemic, or feeling lonely, consider whether this person is right for you or if you’re really trying to fill a wound that needs time to mend. It’s not fair to you OR the person you’re dating to pursue the relationship if the latter is the case.
10. You feel 100% ready to date them and put in a consistent amount of effort
This person genuinely makes you happy and you can see yourself with them for the long haul, or however long that haul lasts. You’ve worked on yourself and achieved a place in your life where you feel totally ready to commit and put in the effort needed to sustain a solid, healthy relationship. It may not always be rainbows and butterflies, but you feel this person and this relationship is worth the time and energy so you’re willing to do what it takes to make it work.
Time To Start Dating
Can you successfully check off most or all of these points? If so, congrats! You seem to be dating your new partner for the right reasons.
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