Before resorting to a dating site in search of a partner, it's important to ensure that you're entering into a healthy relationship for the right reasons. Loneliness can lead us to make impulsive decisions and enter toxic or unhealthy relationships. To help you navigate this process, we've compiled a list of ten ways to tell if you're genuinely dating your new partner for the right reasons—or not.
1. You Maintain Your Own Separate Lives
If you’re head over heels for the new person you’re dating, you might want to spend every waking moment with them. New partners being very excited about each other is one thing, but obsessing over each other and falling into a codependent relationship is a whole other situation.
Although you may enjoy spending time together, both of you need to keep your hobbies, stay in touch with friends and family, and do things apart. If you become so intertwined that you stop living your own lives and can’t live without the other person, the relationship may be unhealthy.
2. Feeling Both Chemistry and Compatibility
Dating someone new is (well, should be) fun and exciting. You’ll likely feel butterflies when you think of them, look forward to the next time you’ll hang out, and smile when their name pops up on your phone. Be careful, though, that this initial feeling may not last forever. Consider whether you two are compatible in terms of personality, values, and goals for the long term after the passionate honeymoon phase wears off.
3. There’s an Open, Healthy Line of Communication
Communication is one of the most critical factors in any relationship. You’ll know you’re dating the right person when you feel safe and comfortable enough to freely express yourselves without hesitation, fear of judgment, or causing a fight. You’ll be able to speak your thoughts and feelings openly and honestly and won’t feel the need to lie or keep secrets from your partner for any reason.
4. You’re Avoiding Escapism
Are you just dating this person because they live in L.A., and you *really* want to live in California? Are you using the relationship as a distraction from an ex or a mundane life? Or are you trying to escape a complicated past? It's vital to ensure you're not entering a new relationship to run away from anything or anyone. Unresolved issues follow you wherever you go and may affect your future relationships. Addressing and resolving underlying problems is essential to building a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
5. You Don't Ignore or Dismiss Red Flags
We all know the saying that “love is blind.” Sometimes, this is true, especially when you’re desperately seeking love. But when you purposely dismiss red flags when they’re waving right in your face for the sake of being with somebody, that’s a sign that you’re in a relationship for the wrong reason. Take a step back and assess the situation and whether or not their pet peeves and warning signs are deal breakers.
6. The Relationship is Energizing
The wrong relationship can be extremely draining and make you feel depressed, sluggish, or apathetic. When you’re with the right person, you feel happy, energized, and want to take on the world with them. Of course, that’s not always the case, as everyone has their off days. But when you’re truly delighted to be dating someone, you’ll feel uplifted, ready, and supported by them by your side, even when things get rough.
7. It's Not About Money
If you’re a sugar baby arrangement or your new partner knows you’re all about the money— then do your thing!). But if you’re secretly hoping to mooch off a new partner’s wealthy job or bank account, you’re definitely not in it for the right reasons.
8. You're Not In It For Revenge
Did an ex do you wrong? Now are you trying to get back at them by dating one of their friends or that person they always had a looming suspicion you might’ve been into? Warning: don’t do it. It’ll only cause drama and hurt you and the person who thinks you’re really into them. Do yourself a favor and take time to find someone new who won’t serve as a source of revenge (or bad karma) for you.
9. You're Not Trying to Fill a Void
Feeling sadness or grief is common after a difficult breakup or experience. While it's essential to move on and start dating again eventually, giving yourself adequate time to heal first is necessary. Suppose you find yourself quickly jumping from one relationship to another or using a new partner as a distraction from an ex or to cope with loneliness. In that case, it's important to ask yourself if this person is right for you or if you're trying to fill a void that needs time to mend. Pursuing a relationship for the wrong reasons isn't fair to you or the person you're dating.
10. You Feel 100% Ready to Date Them
The person genuinely makes you happy, and you can see yourself with them for the long haul, or however long it lasts. You’ve worked on yourself and achieved a place where you feel ready to commit and put in the effort needed to sustain a healthy relationship. It may not always be rainbows and butterflies, but you think this person and this relationship is worth the time and energy, so you’re willing to do what it takes to make it work.
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Time To Get Yourself Out There
Dating can be a tricky business, and it's firstly important to do it for the right reasons. No matter if you're looking for a partner or just a fun night out, know what you want and be honest with yourself and your date. By keeping an open mind, communicating openly, and taking things at a comfortable pace, you can ensure that your dating experience is enjoyable and fulfilling. So go ahead, put yourself out there, and have fun! Who knows, you might just find the perfect match for you. And if not, at least you'll have some great stories to tell.