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10 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Dating Someone With Kids

Morgan Mandriota
mom on laptop with kids
Entering a committed relationship with someone else is a big deal by itself. But when you introduce kids into the mix, things get a lot more serious fast. Not only are you dating this person but you’re also going to be involved with their children and potentially their co-parent, too.

Yes, dating someone with kids definitely has its perks! There’s no doubt about that. But this situation requires a bit of contemplation before you dive in head first.

Here are our top ten questions you should ask yourself before dating someone with kids. 

1. What type of partner are you looking for right now?

What are you really looking for in a partner? If it’s someone you can go on spontaneous vacations with or who will make you their top priority one day, you might want to reconsider dating a parent.

Obviously people with kids can plan vacations, and they can add you to their list of priorities. But know that this person realistically has to care for their children, too, so they may not have the cash readily available to go on random road trips or always be able to put you at the top of their list. 

2. Do you want to be a parent right now?

Let’s just say things work out perfectly with this person. They’re everything you’ve ever dreamed of in a partner. You’re considering whether or not you would spend the rest of your life with them.

Do you want to be a parent? And do you want to be a parent right now? Are you ready to immediately take care of their kids and possibly someday become their step-parent?

If you’ve always dreamed of becoming a parent one day, then go for it! If you have hesitations about whether or not you want children, reconsider whether you want to date someone with kids. 

3. How much time will you be able to spend together?

If you're a single parent you're probably looking for ways to make time for yourself — not too mention finding time to share with a potential partner.. Between work, taking the kids to school, making them food, giving them baths, cleaning, and spending quality time with them, you likely super crunched for time… very often.

When considering dating someone with kids, you need to know how much time this person will be able to dedicate to you and your relationship? It will be important to have an open conversation about how regularly you plan to see each other and if/when the kids will be a part of your time together. This way, both of your expectations and intentions will be clear from the beginning. 

4. What type of relationship do they have with the co-parent?

Why didn’t things work out with their ex? What was the breakup like? What terms are they on now? Knowing the answers to these questions will help you gauge what type of situation you’ll be entering.

Thanks to dating sites like SingleParentMeet, a lot of parents who aren’t together anymore are still able to have a healthy relationship, date other people, and take care of their children. But if they ended on bad terms and their ex thrives on creating petty drama, that’s something you’re going to have to deal with as long as you’re in your partner’s life. 

5. Can you handle having their ex in your life?

Beware that the co-parent is very likely going to be involved in not only the kids' lives but also your partner’s life… which means they’re going to be in your life. Are you prepared to deal with this?

If you have jealous tendencies or want your partner all to yourself, then this relationship may not be the best idea. If you’re comfortable with the thought that their ex will be in the picture until further notice, then go for it. 

6. What are your concerns?

Be honest with yourself. What’s holding you back? What’s bothering you about potentially dating someone with kids? What are your fears? Maybe you just need dating tips to help build your self-esteem before taking the plunge?

Consider journaling about this to figure out if any of your concerns are actually deal breakers. You don’t want to waste your time and energy on a relationship that isn’t built to last, and you definitely don’t want to get their kids involved if things probably aren’t going to work out. 

7. What are their concerns?

You also need to know what their hesitations are. Once you bring up your worries to your partner, ask them what they’re concerned about as well.

Together, you can discuss if these things can easily be solved, or if maybe you two aren’t as compatible as you’d hoped. Once you have more insight, you can make your decision. 

8. What role will you serve in the kids’ lives?

If you were to date this person, what would your responsibilities be when it comes to their children? What role would you play in their lives, both now and in the future?

Based on the answer to this question, you can figure out whether or not this relationship is aligned with your wants and needs.

If you're a mature dater using the 50+ Ourtime dating site or Silver Singles dating site, your matched partner's kids may already be grown up and fully independent. In this case, the role you serve will be drastically different than if they were younger. 

9. Are you compassionate enough about their situation?

Parenting is hard work — it’s especially hard as a single parent. They balance a career, being a parent, and everything else under the sun. It’s time consuming, exhausting, and super rewarding.

Will you be understanding when they’re too tired after a long day to see you? Will you respect the fact that they might have to cancel plans to drive their kid to soccer practice or dance when their ex falls through? Will you be supportive and care for them through things you may not relate to? 

10. Do you like kids?

This is perhaps the most important question on the list. Plain and simple: Do you even like kids?

If you love kids, or even want some of your own one day, then that’s a good sign and solid start. If your answer to this question is “no” then you probably shouldn’t date someone with children.

Bottom line

Remember that it’s OK to take your time deciding whether or not you’re ready to date someone with kids. If you are, then congrats, and best of luck! To find that perfect match who is also looking for a serious and committed relationship, be sure to check out our list of the top online dating services.

Morgan Mandriota
Morgan Mandriota writes for top10.com and is also a freelance sex and wellness writer with bylines at Betches, Health.com, and BuzzFeed. Her insight has been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Tinder, The New York Times, and more. When Morgan isn't writing about orgasms, dating struggles, or CBD, she loves traveling, eating tacos, and training in Brazilian jiu-jitsu.