Here I’ll break down 10 of the most common misconceptions I’ve experienced in my decade-plus experience coaching and they are indeed false. Also, before you reach for your dating app and start swiping, I’ve included a simple tip to help women improve their chances of not only finding their man, but keeping him as well.
1. Men are only after sex
The Truth: While this may be true for your average teenager, this isn't the case for all men. While sex is a normal part of desire, men are also looking for other types of connection—emotional, intellectual, and even spiritual.
Tip: Since you already know he's gauging sexual and romantic chemistry AND finds you attractive, find ways to stimulate the other types of connections to see if he's looking to make them as well.
2. Men think about sex all the time
The Truth: The articles about men thinking about sex every 7 seconds are old and not true. If that were real, we wouldn't get anything done! Yes, we fantasize about women and other various things but that's also human nature, which means women do the same.
Tip: No, it’s NOT OK to just want sex from someone. But it IS OK to think about sex. Sex is good. Sex is fun. Sex is connection. And most of us want it. It's healthy. Embracing that will actually give you more discernment around which men apply to misconception #1.
3. If he's nice to you, he wants to sleep with you
The Truth: While there may be men out there with ulterior motives, most men are actually pretty polite, kind, enjoy doing things for others, and don't want anything in return.
Tip: When a man does something nice for you, all you have to do is say thank you.
4. Men don't have biological clocks
The Truth: We only hear about this for women, but men have this experience too. It's called biological for a reason: We ALL have it. Men do get to a point where they want to settle down with someone—even if they may not know how to do it after so many years of not wanting to settle down.
Tip: While it's important to know someone's patterns of the past, it's even more important to see their present behavior as an indication of their commitment readiness.
5. Men are afraid of commitment
The Truth: Most men aren't afraid of commitment. They're afraid of committing to the wrong person. That's something we can all understand. When men are ready for commitment, they'll move swiftly into making that happen.
Tip: Pay attention not only to his behaviors but more importantly, his follow-through on anything he says. Integrity in men is key to know whether or not he’s ready to commit.
6. Men are insensitive or unemotional
The Truth: There has been a lot of old-age thinking around the necessary bravado of men. In today’s world, we have seen its impact on men who are unable to express their emotions and even deny them. Men are very sensitive, simply because they’re human.
Tip: Don’t assume nothing bothers them. They may be afraid to tell you in fear of being rejected or misunderstood so it’s vital to help create a space where a man can be emotionally safe to express themselves, especially in front of a woman.
7. Men are only into women who are thin with big breasts
The Truth: We all have our desires, but this particular one is grossly exaggerated, thanks to teenagers, media, and alcohol. Many men actually look at a woman’s eyes as a subtler determination of attraction. And while we may want someone who is stunning on our arm—many women want the same—it’s not just physical looks that are important. (Again, see misconception #1).
Tip: You are beautiful just the way you are.
8. Men can't handle a successful woman
The Truth: Many men WANT to be with a successful woman, even if that woman is considered more successful than him. I guess in this case, that means “makes more money than him.” What men don’t like is when successful women behave in a way that makes men feel unneeded or unwanted. We love, celebrate, and desire successful women.
Tip: Find ways where man can feel needed, especially if he knows those ways are simple but can make your life better.
9. Men can't be friends with women
The Truth: I can personally attest to this being false, having had many friends that are women. It’s not about attraction, but instead about a particular chemistry they’re looking for in a romantic relationship COMBINED with attraction that can make it challenging to stay friends. That being said, men can be friends with women without an ulterior motive because they know it’s vital for them to understand and connect with women more by having relationships with them.
Tip: Once again, this is an “actions speak louder than words” situation. If he wants to be friends, give him the benefit of the doubt until he gives you reason not to—and, of course, bring it up when that moment happens.
10. Men don't listen to women when they speak
The Truth: While some women find it important for there to be eye contact when they’re speaking to someone in order for them to feel heard, guys don’t need that. So if you see a guy not looking at you when he’s talking, it doesn’t mean he’s not listening. I can personally attest that men are listening to women—or at least they REALLY want to. What they have a hard time doing is understanding women, which speaks more to them than women.
Tip: Now seeing that most men listen, if you care about him looking at you when you’re speaking, the best thing you can do is ask him to do that and let him know that’s important to you. Otherwise, he’ll never know and won’t do it.
Avoid Generalizing, Start Dating
While you may encounter men who do fit these misconceptions, the key is to avoid generalizing them across ALL men so it gives you the best chance at meeting the one.
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