Figuring out whether you’re truly compatible on deeper levels with that beautiful stranger you just met on a dating app might not be on your radar until it’s too late.
To avoid becoming serious with someone whom you’re only compatible with on the physical level, you need to ask the heavy-hitting questions as early as you possibly can so you don’t waste anybody’s time, heart, or energy.
Don’t know what to ask them? Here are 10 important questions to ask when dating someone new.
1. What are your intentions?
Before you develop stronger feelings for the wrong person, you’ll want to find out what their intentions are by hanging out with you. Do they want a serious relationship? Are they only interested in hooking up or casually hanging out? If so, that’s all well and good. But save yourself the potential heartache by asking them what they’re looking for as far ahead in advance. That way you won’t start falling in love with someone who has short or long-term relationship goals that don’t align with yours.
2. Do you want kids?
Some dating apps have question prompts that ask their users whether or not they want kids. Other people are more willing to put that information in their profile (which may actually scare away some people, but it will attract like-minded people). For example, you might come across women on a popular site like Match.com who write in their profile that they want to have children.
But if the person you matched with doesn’t mention having kids in their bio, it’s important to ask if they eventually want to have kids someday and how many kids they want. Finding out that your date wants 10 kids when you don’t want any will definitely be a deal-breaker, so you’ll need to have this conversation sooner than later.
3. What are your non-negotiables in a partner?
Do they want someone with a certain personality type? Do they need someone who has a specific love language or can offer great relationship advice when they need help navigating tough family issues? Or maybe they don’t care about anything else except liking the same TV show. Be sure to share your relationship and partner non-negotiables, too, and really reflect on their answers to see whether your needs and lifestyles match up.
4. When was the last time you were STI tested? And what were your results?
Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are a natural part of dating and relationships. The chance of getting or passing along an STI is very common — in fact, research in a 2018 study shows that more than 67 million STI incidences in the U.S. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says that testing is key for prevention, especially because many people can be asymptomatic and don’t even know that they have one.
So before you get intimate with the new person you started dating from Zoosk, be sure to ask them when their last STI test was and what their results were. This will help you both have safer, more enjoyable sex.
5. What are your top priorities?
Some people prioritize family, friends, work, and exercise. Other people might prioritize partying, traveling, and going to bars (which is fine). Asking your new date what their priorities are will clear up whether or not your values align. Yes, it could be fun to date someone who always enjoys having a great time, but could you really be with them long-term if they never envision building a future? You’ll only know the answer to that if or when you decide to ask this question.
6. What would you consider to be your biggest flaw or insecurity?
We tend to perceive ourselves way worse and harsher than how other people see us. So it’s always interesting to find out what someone considers to be their biggest flaw or insecurity is. This will clue you into how they think about themselves on a deeper level and what you might need to look out for if you continue to date them. You might be surprised to hear what they say. And if they can’t come up with anything, definitely consider that one of their red flags to keep an eye on.
7. What do you like to do in your free time?
This is one of the most casual questions to ask when dating someone new, but it can go a long way. If you’re an introvert who likes to stay home and play video games on the weekend, you might not be happy dating someone who prefers to hit bar crawls and get drunk with friends until 2am every Friday and Saturday night.
Finding out what they like to do in their free time will clue you in on whether or not you’ll be able to enjoy the same activities when you’re trying to come up with a plan on how to spend quality time together.
8. What are your views on politics and religion?
Politics and religion used to be topics to avoid at all costs, but talking about both of these things is necessary when trying to gauge compatibility when dating someone new. For example, Republicans and Democrats can date for a short or long period of time, depending on whether or not their belief systems get in the way of their relationship.
But an atheist and a Christian probably wouldn’t make the best couple. If your Christianity is important to you, you’ll want to find someone who shares that same value, and you can do that by using Christian dating apps.
9. What are your goals and dreams in life?
Where does your new partner see themselves in the next year? In five years? In 20 years? What are their aspirations and dreams that they want to work toward achieving? And do their goals work well with yours?
If you both are career oriented and want to take over the world together, then you might have met your match. But if you want to become a parent in two years but they want to wait at least another five years before even thinking about having kids, then you might want to reconsider dating them.
10. Is there anything important that I should know about you before things get any more serious?
In case these questions don’t cover all of the bases, asking something open-ended like this can help to fill in those gaps. Maybe they have a juicy secret to share or nothing at all! Either way, you’ll be giving them an opportunity to share with you whatever they feel is important for you to know about them and their life before you invest your full time and energy into them and this potential relationship.
These 10 questions to ask when dating someone new will help you figure out whether you’re truly compatible or they’re not the right partner for you. If you like their answers to these questions, then that’s a good sign that you’re on your way to a happy relationship. If not, you can always jump back on any of the best dating apps to find a better match.